As someone who was clinically diagnosed as a Type 1 Bipolar at the age of 10, my art has always been highly influenced by my current mental state; specifically whether I’m experiencing a manic, a depressive, or a “normal” period. Believe Me, I Am Not Okay is a collection of archival prints, which conceptually portray the multiple sides of having a mood disorder. Bipolar Disorder presents differently from person to person, and this series is a conversation around my experiences and my life.
Believe Me, I Am Not Okay is broken down into three sections of images. The first section titled, “The Ups,” is centered around manic episodes, these images are fantastically colored, dramatically lit, and multi-layered. The second section, titled “The Downs,” consists of darker and cooler tones, worked into dimly lit images captured in somewhat chaotic settings. The final section, titled “And The In-Betweens,” represents where I primarily exist, balancing on the edge between a potential manic or depressive episode. These images play with dramatic lighting and a color pallet that ties into the other sections while being shot solely in the studio for artistic control.
I have used my art as a method of healing and therapy many times over the last few years, and this time is much the same. The only difference is that I’ve lived with this for so long, that I do not need to heal from it because it is such a key part of who I am. I am, and always will be, Bipolar. Sure, I manage it with medications and have been told many, many times that I don’t seem like I would be crazy, but that doesn’t mean Bipolar Disorder is not still a part of me.
That isn’t something I can change, nor do I want to; I have spent over a decade navigating life with the diagnosis as an integral part of my being. It’s about time that I publicly celebrate this part of me.
